2008 Budget: Zero

But new equipment budget? Zero. Software acquisition budget? Zero. Laptops and phones for new employees? Zero - let facilities pay for those just like they pay for desks and chairs and pencils. Who says every new employee needs a computer? Just causes more help desk calls and they don't get any more work done half the time anyway.

Wait, I hear you wailing, we need more storage space. Nah, just start deleting files departments haven't touched in three years or more. If auditors complain, get them to pay for more storage, and leave your budget alone. You don't need more storage, they do, but since the disks are in your area, they make you pay for them.

Even better, if you had time, you could figure out the hierarchical storage system some idiot vice president bought a couple of years ago. Roll stuff off to tape (maybe you'll be able to read it in three years) and free up the disk space. Or try one of the three utilities you have on the shelf to reduce file redundancies.

Remember, it's no more your problem that a department needs more disk storage space than it's facilities problem that department hired two dozen people without arranging for a place for them to sit. The department needs the space, they can pay for it.

You don't need new software because no one's using more than 20 percent of the features of the software you have. In some cases, new software actively hurts your budget and productivity (yeah, I'm comparing Vista to XP). When users come whining about things they don't know how to do, write RTFM in big letters on the whiteboard. Or you can remind them of all the training classes they slept through or skipped. Not your fault.

Desktop upgrade cycle? Forget it. They worked last month, they'll work next month. And when executives lose their laptops, they can buy new ones with their budget.

Why? Because your 2008 budget is zero.