2008 Budget: Zero

by James Gaskin

January 4, 2008 —

Already the gloomers and doomers have announced budgets will be down in 2008
and woe to IT. I say beat the business units at their own game and reduce your
budget to zero for 2008.

This depends on your budget categories, of course. If salaries are in your
budget, they need to stay, IT folks may be crazy, but they never punch a time
clock for free.

But new equipment budget? Zero. Software acquisition budget? Zero. Laptops
and phones for new employees? Zero - let facilities pay for those just like
they pay for desks and chairs and pencils. Who says every new employee needs
a computer? Just causes more help desk calls and they don't get any more work
done half the time anyway.

Wait, I hear you wailing, we need more storage space. Nah, just start deleting
files departments haven't touched in three years or more. If auditors complain,
get them to pay for more storage, and leave your budget alone. You don't need
more storage, they do, but since the disks are in your area, they make you pay
for them.

Even better, if you had time, you could figure out the hierarchical storage
system some idiot vice president bought a couple of years ago. Roll stuff off
to tape (maybe you'll be able to read it in three years) and free up the disk
space. Or try one of the three utilities you have on the shelf to reduce file
redundancies.

Remember, it's no more your problem that a department needs more disk storage
space than it's facilities problem that department hired two dozen people without
arranging for a place for them to sit. The department needs the space, they
can pay for it.

You don't need new software because no one's using more than 20 percent of
the features of the software you have. In some cases, new software actively
hurts your budget and productivity (yeah, I'm comparing Vista to XP). When users
come whining about things they don't know how to do, write RTFM in big letters
on the whiteboard. Or you can remind them of all the training classes they slept
through or skipped. Not your fault.

Desktop upgrade cycle? Forget it. They worked last month, they'll work next
month. And when executives lose their laptops, they can buy new ones with their
budget.

Why? Because your 2008 budget is zero.

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