Short straw people 2

by James Gaskin

December 27, 2006 —

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Two years ago I wrote Short Straw People for those of us working during the holidays. Now it's time to revisit that issue, because we're still working during the holidays. We drew the short straw again.

Nothing says fun like a BSOD (Blue Screen of Death) screen saver. Save that one for people who know their computer well, or you'll just have more work to do. For those who ignore your computer training advice, pick appropriate screen savers. That macho workout fanatic? Kittens. Managers? Dilbert cartoons. Country music fan? Metallica, but don't dare replace one of their system sounds with a five second clip of thrash metal.

Some believe pranks mean filling desk locks with glue or wrapping an entire cubicle with plastic. Those cause too much work for the punked person, and are easily traced back to Short Straw People. Smart pranksters don't leave fingerprints, and change screen savers only on computers with user passwords on the monitor or under the keyboard. Think of the change as a security lesson, because anyone (but certainly not you) can get access to those computers.

All those AOL CDs you've collected? Store them in binders during the break. But don't replace all the technical CDs kept in binders beside the manuals in the support desk area. That would be wrong, but it would be interesting to see how long it takes anyone to notice.

Those who think Web surfing lowers productivity the most have forgotten about Solitaire. Supposedly included in Windows 3.1 to help people learn mouse control, Solitaire still leads the "lost hours of productivity" race. So don't dare test your new software push application used for patches by changing the name of a certain program from SOL.EXE to SOL2.EXE.

OK, maybe you should do that, so you can track who starts whining about the change. And since there are thousands of Solitaire games on the Internet for download, you can see which employees bypass policy to download executables from unauthorized Web sites. Maybe you can even charge their departments for the upgrade to your virus software needed to clean up their mess.

You should catch up on paperwork during the holidays. You should read technical articles. You should not lower every chair in the office one inch. And you certainly should not print this newsletter and leave it out in the open.

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